As the semester is nearing its end, I am a bit sad to look back on everything, as that confirms that the experience will soon be over. Reading back over my first post, I must say that I still try to go into every experience--every home stay, every excursion, and every outing in Chiang Mai--without any expectations. I don't think that the expectations I came up with were unrealistic, and, for the most part, they have been realized.
I have met many new friends, several of whom I will definitely stay in touch with once I am home. I do wish I had made more Thai friends, as the few I have made are wonderful, and I think I could have learned more if I had surrounded myself more with Thai people. Needless to say, the most Thai friends I have made are the artists at work. I will miss them (and working!) very, very much.
New and interesting experiences.. I've definitely encountered many of these. From being pet at the beginning of the semester for being white to the home stays and trying to communicate to worrying about protests to seeing the border situation in Mae Sot to.. kicking a sea urchin?! I have definitely encountered many new situations that I am glad to have experienced (minus the sea urchin..), and I am sure I will look back on them when I am home.
As for being challenged, well, that has certainly happened. At work, I have had obstacles communicating with people as well as personal obstacles. Although I still have some difficulties communicating, I feel very much like a part of the foundation, and I feel that I have mostly overcome the personal obstacles pertaining to my trust in myself. Of course, in general, it's difficult to communicate as I do not have a complete grasp of the language, but when I can communicate in Thai, I am very happy, where as when I am automatically spoken to in English, it somewhat upsets me.
My personal beliefs have also been challenged. At first, it was very hard for me to understand certain aspects of Buddhism that are very much ingrained in Thai culture, especially relating to people with disabilities and karma. When I first saw people begging or singing at markets, it greatly upset me, but now I have more of a curiosity. As I have learned that it is seen as bad karma to have a disability or to have a person with a disability in your family, I have started to understand why people with disabilities beg on the streets even though, on several occasions, I have seen a person putting on an act who will, after making eye contact, switch into desperate "help me!" mode. I think what still bothers me the most about this belief is that when begging is the only option, and an act is put on, a scary image is sometimes portrayed, like when I was in Bangkok, a man missing a leg made money by dragging himself across the ground. This image only increases the marginalization of people with disabilities. On the other hand, with foundations that are attempting to show that begging is not the only option, people with disabilities can have a safe place to be creative and make a living.
But, because I have been exposed to the every day reactions to this cultural belief--learning at work that sometimes families aren't invited to a wedding if a member has a disability--I could more easily understand the position of a home stay family in a case study during class. Had I not had these experiences, I think my reaction would have been very different.
I believe that I have done a decent job attempting to accomplish my goals. My Thai could improve a lot, and with time, I hope to have this happen and to return to Thailand. I can have very simple conversations, though sometimes it is easier to understand certain people than others.
I have been very much out of my bubble. Staying in Nan in a house alone was a difficult experience for me, but I think it helped me become more self-reliant. I also am not sure I would have ever gone snorkeling (and encountered the urchin..) if I had just come on my own or with my family. I have gone out to see and do things I would normally say no to, though I am glad that I agreed because I have seen more parts of Thailand (even in places I wouldn't expect to come face to face with cultural differences) than I could have imagined.
I think there are several learning outcomes that I am glad to come away with after this experience. I now know that I can survive half way around the world from my family (for a semester, at least), in a foreign country where I cannot necessarily speak the language. My understanding of cultural differences has definitely developed a lot during this semester. Although I have taken classes comparing different cultures, being submerged in one is a much more affective teaching tool.
I think there are many things I don't want to forget about this semester. I especially think that certain instances where cultural differences showed up in startling ways will be with me forever--such as attempting to go to a club and having several friends be rejected for having skin that was too dark and the situations regarding opinions of people with disabilities. The trip to Mae Sot and my new knowledge about Burma has made an imprint on me, and I would very much like to do anything I can when I return home--especially now that I know that there is a very large Burmese refugee population rather close to my home college and since I have friends pretty well connected to the situation.
Once I'm home, I know I will be sharing my experience with.. well, everyone. I know I have a lot of reflection to do for myself as well. I would like to improve my Thai at some point, though I'm not sure when that will be, and I definitely want to come back to Thailand, especially with the connections I have made at work. As my work experience directly relates to my major, I will be able to look back and study the situation again, this time from a distance. Also, at my home institution, I have several friends who are international students. Having now lived immersed in another culture, I hope to be more aware of cultural differences between myself and my friends and to be able to openly talk about such differences, having experienced some for myself.
Although I do miss home, and I'm trying to prepare myself to return, I know it will be somewhat difficult to readjust. Once again, I don't know what to expect, and I don't really want to have any expectations. I just hope that I can share my experience with people--to encourage studying abroad as well as to educate my friends about issues that they have never heard about.
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